Clothesvember

Oh hello there! How the hell are you? I’m okay I guess. I am currently sitting in a coffee shop on my laptop like a fancy millennial. I have to pee and I can never decide if it’s weird to take my computer with me. It’s not like I need to compute while I pee, but it would be very terrible to leave for 2 minutes and have someone steal my expensive job-finding machine. Yesterday I went to a different shop and took my laptop with me to the bathroom twice but this lady who was sitting next to me just left her whole gang of stuff and I thought, “how do you know I won’t steal your things?” and also, “if someone else tries to steal these items am I somehow culpable? That’s not really fair. GOD being a good person is so hard sometimes.” Luckily no one even approached her items so I didn’t have to debate about what the proper behavior would be. No one is even near me, though, so there would be no bystander to protect my items. So fine, I guess we’ve established that the laptop comes with me. Now–what about the latte?! I don’t want someone to throw it away or somehow tamper with it but dragging a computer and drink to the one bathroom may cause people to think I’m setting up an office in there and that would be potentially awkward. But so would peeing on this couch, so my options are all bad.

I’ve been having a similar struggle with our airbnb host’s daily paper. Historically, it has been magically placed inside prior to my exiting the house each morning. This week, though, the paper has still been outside on the stoop when I go to take the dogs out. Monday and Tuesday, I picked it up and put it on the hallway table. Yesterday I was like “You know what, fuck it, this lady is being paid, presumably, to take care of the house while the owner is gone, so why the hell should I be paying to stay here AND picking up his newspaper?” and I left it there all day, but then I felt like an asshole because really who cares about picking up a dumb paper! It weighs like half a pound and I only have to carry it 4 feet! Finally after much internal debate, I resolved to pick the paper up, but by that time someone else had moved it. This morning though, when presented with the opportunity again, I picked that sucker right up. See what a good person I am, everyone!

I don’t currently have any food to tell you about, so let’s just talk about some outfits. In order we have:

  1. This dress is the envy of my BFF and while I would generally do anything for her, I can’t bring myself to give this one up. I love the cut, the colors, the buttons, all of it! Also everyone always says I look like Mrs. Frizzle when I wear it and even though I am of a post-Magic School Bus generation, I still appreciate the compliment. Even if maybe it’s not a compliment and is more along the lines of “You dress like you only interact with children.” Dress is originally from ModCloth, belt is from another dress I don’t even have anymore, shoes are Miz Mooz.
  2. This one’s from Torrid and features the fabulous Frida Kahlo. My favorite cardigan thingie was from Ross and yesterday I broke one of the damn buttons so now I have to search for another one. Shoes are Crocs.
  3. And this dress was also a ModCloth item. Belt is from eBay.

I wonder what it will be like to have access to my entire wardrobe again someday. I pray to sweet baby Jesus every night that all our crap hasn’t mildewed while in storage. Amen.

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