Scrotum if you Got ‘Em

Look, that title has nothing to do with anything.  It was just a phrase that occurred to me, and I was disappointed that 1) My mom didn’t say it first and 2) It took me 33 years. My birthday is this month, so at least I thought of it before I turned 34.  That would be embarrassing.

I have some news, and it’s a relief to finally be able to tell you, but: I got a new job.  No, I know.  A NEW new job. Even newer than my old new one.  I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious, so I just didn’t want to bring it up. But now that it happened: WOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!  I’m beyond happy, and not just because it’s new, but it’s a company I really, really want to work for.

I had applied for the new-new job back in June, about the same time I applied for the old-new job.  New-new wasn’t hiring for anything I was suited for at the time, so they sent the ol’ “We’ll keep you on file should anything match your qualifications” routine, which I assumed was an auto-reply that gets sent when the hiring person hits “delete”.  Turns out, they actually meant it!  They wrote to me the first week in August asking if I wanted to interview.

I debated saying “no thanks, I have a job”, but I googled the job listing first, just in case it was interesting.  Turns out not only is the job itself interesting, but the company is amazing.  Also since I’m married, and never go on first dates anymore, sometimes I miss being judged by total strangers and interviewing is a good replacement.  Nothing beats that sweaty-palms-am-I-having-a-panic-attack-on-Skype-right-now feeling, right?

Throughout the series of 5 (yes f-i-v-e) interviews, a writing sample, and a 15-minute demo in which I extolled the virtues of the very product they use every day to an audience of 4 people, I researched the company more and more and basically fell in love.  It was getting to the point that I was going to be crushed if I didn’t get it, which is always risky and something I try to avoid.

For some reason, I guess through a combination of skill and luck, they decided to offer me the job.  After I wrote back with infinity exclamation points and a “p.s. yes I accept”, I cried my eyeballs out.  Remember that “Sure we’ll keep you in mind [lol not]” email I mentioned earlier?  Turns out not only did they keep me in mind–the gal who fields those emails took my application to my future boss and said, “Hey I found your new employee”, even though there wasn’t a vacancy yet. Multiple people have written to me saying how excited they are to have me join the team, and one person even made a super cute e-card and sent it to me, with a note so sweet I once again started crying. Best of all: my first week they’re flying me to Quebec City, for the company retreat!  And during that week is my birthday!  If I have to turn 34, at least I’ll do it somewhere fancy, right? The itinerary I saw includes karaoke, which means I will either become the most popular person at work, or be fired my first week.  I should probably get my song selections ready now to avoid getting drunk and doing “99 Problems” in front of my brand new coworkers.

For my final interview I wore this sushi dress, because I’d heard my interviewer was into food.  I told her if she didn’t like sushi I could go put on a fruit- or cookie-themed dress, but she liked sushi and that’s probably truly why I got the job.  The dress is Retrolicious, and I got it from Grease Rags Clothing.  Next time I’ll probably wear a belt because it’s a bit shapeless without it, though comfortable!  The shoes, as embarrassing as this is to say, are Easy Spirits.  I’m officially an old person now, and I’m going to embrace it.

For my celebration dinner, Zach made my faves: filet mignon and lobster mac & cheese with Brussels sprouts.


At some point in time I also wore this outfit, I guess on Saturday.  We only went to Home Depot and then I took all my clothes off again, so it barely counts.  The dress came from Ebay though it was originally a ModCloth find.   There are so many bugs outside that all of the photos came out pretty much like this.  Yellow sandals are Isaac Mizrahi, also found on Ebay.  Belt is from Amazon and available in lots of colors.

Sunday we went out with Zach’s parents for brunch in Alpharetta.  Zach found this restaurant on TripAdvisor and we loooooooved it.  But I still must air my grievances, as is my custom:  What the hell is the point of this area?  I hate faux-historic shit.  Why do they knock down legitimately old things to build new things that look old? It’s one of my biggest pet peeves about the greater Atlanta area, frankly.

South Main Kitchen is in an aggressively well-manicured “historic”-looking area, with a park and fountain and a bunch of other new restaurants.  The park has a smattering of tiny saplings, but no actual trees, which means they probably cut down tall, mature trees, to make way for a park, which makes so little sense I’m actually mad about it right now.  Also maybe I’m wrong and the area was a landfill and they paved it over and added trees and now it’s a beautiful place where white people eat brunch.  I didn’t even Google it, it’s too fun being outraged.

The food is great, though!  We started with some crispy Brussels and their level of deliciousness was so intense that I said “OH MY GOD” out loud after I ate one.  Let me remind you: Brussels sprouts are VEGETABLES.  And I am ME. This is unheard of (ok ok to be fair as far as vegetables go I like Brussels fairly well but they are a classic grody veg that are easily hated if cooked improperly!). But lawd they’re good.  I would drive to Alpharetta again just to eat them. Okay no I wouldn’t but I would definitely email them and ask for the recipe nicely.

Nothing in the brunch arena was calling my name so I went with the burger (burgers never STOP calling my name, I have like burger-specific psychosis) and added bacon.  Spoiler alert: I couldn’t even eat half of the things on my plate. The burger was huge and the monster portion of fries bested all 4 of us.  My only burgplaint is that the bun was too solid and not squishy enough.  It made for difficult eating, and would have worked better with something fluffier or smaller.  There are worse problems in life than big buns though, if you know what I’m saying.

Zach’s mom ordered mushroom crepes which is a thing I would never order in a million years, but they looked beautiful.  Zach got biscuits & gravy, and his dad got an omelet with toast and potatoes.  I stuck to my own plate, but everything else looked stunning and no one had any complaints, other than “oh god why did I eat all of that”.

For brunch, I wore something light and sleeveless because omg it’s just going to be summer forever or at least until I don’t live here anymore.  I got this dress in the clothes swap group and I thought I would be able to wear it a million ways but I think I’ve only come up with this particular one.  If you ever wonder why I have 70 pairs of shoes, it’s shit like this.  I’ll think “Oh man that dress has about 100 colors in it so I can make approximately one gazillion outfits with it!” but not only am I bad at math, I’m also wrong about my outfit planning skills which means even a 100-color dress stymies me sometimes. The belt is from Target ages ago.  Shoes are Matisse, from Amazon.

And now I will go eat my 37th Chick-fil-a cobb salad with avocado ranch.  I keep hoping I’ll get sick of them just in time to move somewhere that only has one Chick-fil-A, but no such luck.


3 thoughts on “Scrotum if you Got ‘Em

    • HAHA! That is you! OMG you are here!! I am so so so so glad to be on the team, you don’t even know. I didn’t want to brag TOO MUCH on the internet but since you’re here I feel comfortable telling you.


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