Alison al fresco

I am going to state a controversial opinion: I hate outside.  Outside is where the bugs live. There is no air conditioning outside, and rarely is there electricity or potable water. Animals live outside, but only the gross and/or mean ones.  If not for outside, I would probably never have fallen off a bike, or even my own platform wedge sandals (okay okay, I have fallen off my own shoes inside too, but it hurts a lot more outside).  Who knows how beautiful my knees could be if not for stupid outside!

People seem to love eating outside, and I have to act like a human and pretend to like it too.  I come by this preference honestly–my parents aren’t nuts about the out-of-doors either.  We were not a camping family, instead taking vacations in hotels that offered free continental breakfasts and a pool.  Always a pool.  Pools are maybe the one okay thing about outside, but they’re also where every single lobster-toned summer of pain began.  I need about an SPF infinity in order not to get burned, but I also hate slathering on sticky sunblock, so my life is extra difficult in the summer months.  The other night I stopped by Maegan’s after work, a mere 15-minute drive from our office.  When I arrived at her place, she said, “Wow!  You got some sun!”  The only thing I’d done is sit in the car, during the daytime, for a quarter of an hour.  My drivin’ arm was actually noticeably sunburned, which I forgot about until I used my daily salt scrub the next morning.  I have a can of spray sunblock that I really mean to put on every morning, but usually forget, and today was no exception.

So why I ever agreed to dine on the terrace (sounding somehow fancier than “patio” and therefore appealing, perhaps?) with my boss today is beyond me.  I finally decided we would have lunch at Murphy’s, after looking at Yelp and a bunch of menus online.  I’d only been there once before, probably a dozen years ago, so I was excited to visit again, especially with my company paying for it.  It’s nice that my job lets us have a fancy review lunch for our anniversary every year, and I do like my manager, but having lunch with him is still awkward.  I was not exactly looking forward to today; not because of my boss specifically, but because I didn’t know what we would talk about. He’s a great guy but I’m a lot older than he is, and we don’t have a ton in common. We ended up having a great time, though, so once again the key to success proves to be low expectations.

I was considering ordering a lobster cobb salad because I like the idea of my job buying me lobster, but I couldn’t bear to choose a salad for my fancy lunch, even if it was covered in the sea’s most precious jewel (besides this one). For some reason the rest of the menu turned into a blur and only the burger was legible, so I had to order it. Topped with Swiss, bacon, avocado mayo, lettuce, and tomato, it was massive.  I ordered medium, but it came out well done.  The patty was charred nicely, but could have been more moist.  Fries were standard and I ended up leaving most of them on the plate.  I ordered a salted caramel banana pie to go, asking first if it would be an okay choice for take-out.  The server said that it did have whipped cream so that might be a little difficult, but that it should be fine to travel. She returned, apologetic, said “Well it usually comes in a jar so it doesn’t look like much…”, and sheepishly handed me the bag.  I don’t get why she didn’t come back to offer me a non-jarred dessert, or even just let me keep the jar considering it was probably one of many pieces of glassware they break every single day, but hey.  She doesn’t come to my job and tell me how to email people, so I took it and thanked her because I’m nice.  It does look like a hideous pile of leftover church potluck pudding, but I’m sure it will taste great after dinner tonight. Yes, it’s nearly 11 pm and we haven’t had dinner. Shut up.

I wanted to wear something I don’t totally love to death just in case I spilled any food on it today at boss-lunch, because that’s a near inevitability.  Since I chose this cute-but-boring dress (purchased from someone in the clothes swap group) I didn’t spill anything on it, naturally.  I think it was originally from ModCloth but the brand is Moon. This belt came with a dress that I sold to my friend Bea, and even though Bea lives in Maine and visited me in person I still forgot to give it to her because I am the worst.  I had these Kork-Ease shoes in my Amazon cart for a long time and they never even went on sale or anything but I kept looking wistfully at my closet and thinking “they sure would match this dress perfectly…” so I finally just bought the damn things. Aaaaand looking for that link I see that, OF COURSE, since I bought them, they went on sale. YOU’RE WELCOME, EVERYONE ELSE WHO WANTED THESE! Earrings are the usual.  I keep thinking I should branch out earring-wise, but that sounds like a lot of trouble, and money I could be spending on dresses and fried things. It’s a shame I love this gross-ass room so much because I look awful in it.

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Okay maybe I am going to have some dessert before dinner, just in case.  If I got too full of dinner and then couldn’t eat that pie I might cry.  And crying over pie is even worse than crying over spilled milk due to the increased number of ingredients.  That’s just math.

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2 thoughts on “Alison al fresco

  1. Literal lol! Thanks for the memory – I can still hear your Dad on the phone patiently explaining to a tenant that he would not send an exterminator to kill all the bugs in her yard because “outside is where the bugs live.” Hell fresco, I’m with you, ndoors rules!

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  2. Pingback: The Return of the Lunchblog | clotheshog

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