She knows all, she sees all, she’s momnicient

My parents live in New Westminster, BC, which is in an entirely different country from the one in which I reside.  We used to live just a couple miles apart, and for a while I had the best life ever.  I could go over to my parents’ house in the morning for half & half when I ran out.  I could tell my dad I needed help with something that required tools, and he could be here in 10 minutes.  I could go to Starbucks, run into my mom there, and end up with a free caramel macchiato out of the deal. Now we have to schedule calls, and stay in touch through Instagram and Facebook and email, all of which are great, truly, but no substitute for the real thing.  I miss my parents every damn day, and they’re not even dead!  It’s like a waste of emotions!  Zach and I are working on a plan to move closer, though we will probably not get over the border.  At least not unless President Trump becomes a reality.  Because of the distance, I won’t get to see my mom today, so I feel pretty ripped off.  In lieu of seeing my actual mother, I will be watching my favorite video that celebrates this momentous holiday.
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My mom, my wee baby sister, and my Canadian tuxedo

I can’t even summarize how much my mom means to me in words without crying.  This is not supposed to be a crying blog.  Also it’s hard to write about your mom without worrying about making your other relatives feel bad!  How can you accurately describe how important the person is who CREATED YOUR BODY OUT OF HER OWN BODY without simultaneously making every other person in your life feel inferior?!?!  I don’t have an answer but this is my best attempt.
Things about my mom that I will list, to avoid flowery language and/or tears:
-she is the funniest person the entire planet
-her laugh is the best one
-she has been skydiving. TWICE!
-she is cooler than anyone you or I know
-sometimes when she picks you up from school, she will get a large McDonald’s fry for you and her and your sister to all split because it was a bad day and sometimes fries help
-she is so smart that I wonder if she’s embarrassed of me, because I am just ok
-she taught me about matching, which you can see I took very seriously
-she has excellent taste in decor, food, pets, partners, and offspring
-if there is something you like, she has noticed, and will eventually end up getting every kind of that thing for you
-she loves musicals, and can turn an ordinary household event into an occasion to spring into song
-she makes the best fudge mound (which is not a poophemism but it a delicious dessert)
-she can drink you under the table, as long as the drink is a Starbucks dark roast
-she will always let you get an appetizer, and probably a dessert too
-if you’re at Target and ask to put something in her shopping cart so you don’t have to carry it, she will probably end up buying the thing for you, because she is very generous
-she sends a gift for every occasion, including half-birthdays and Steak & a BJ Day
-she always smells good
-she will help anyone at any time, even if she is in need of help herself
-she will not make you eat vegetables because she knows they are gross
-she is a member of Mensa
-she took the test to get on Jeopardy! and passed (because she is a genius) but they didn’t call her to be on the show, probably because she would end up with Trebek’s job and they knew it
-she will always be on your side even if you’re wrong
-she is the best mom ever invented
Okay I wanted to get this all done before midnight, MST (Mom Standard Time) and I did it, so now I get a treat.  (Mom taught me that, too)
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2 thoughts on “She knows all, she sees all, she’s momnicient

  1. My dearest Waski (your gender-neutral in utero nickname – I was weird even then) I hereby request that this be sent out in lieu of a memorial service when I die! You have given me far more credit than I deserve and have overlooked the parenting mistakes that haunt my nightmares. DMG and I were just talking about how lucky we are to have such wonderful children. You made it easy – all I wanted was smart, funny, beautiful, personable, and kind daughters – was that too much to ask? Evidently not! Thank you for the flowers and candy, too – the card slayed. Who loves you? Mom loves you!

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  2. Pingback: Dadblog | clotheshog

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