Ugh it’s too easy. MAY THE FOURTH, fine!

Close call there, y’all.  It is getting into the nighttime hours and you were probably worried that I wasn’t going to post today.  Or actually you probably just heard about this thing earlier today and are already over it.  Oh well, I’m doing it. You’ve been warned; there will be bloggery ahead.

So first things first, this morning I woke up to a compliment on Yelp, congratulating me for being the featured review of the day!  Sidebar–UGH you guys I need to tell you something: now that I know you’re reading, I feel very weird.  I think I have stage fright.  I used to take dance classes when I was a real little kid, and either I legitimately forgot every dance when I got on stage, or just remember it happening because I was so scared that it would.  I guess I don’t have to memorize a blog , so that calms me down a little bit.  Which is great, since picturing you in your underwear wasn’t really helping.  Anyway back to Yelp!  I have reviewed a lot of shit over the years and eventually made it to Elite status. You might ask something like, “what the hell is that?” and I would reply “I don’t know, you get to go to events?” and then, as I shrugged, I’d hope you stop asking me things, and maybe buy me some food too.  Keeping Elite status is a little tough and sometimes I get tired of reviewing and checking in and taking photos to benefit Yelp, but I keep doing it because it means I get a little badge on my profile, aaaaand because I get to say it on job applications and “about me” blurbs, and it makes me sound interesting and judgmental (mostly I’m just the latter).

For lunch today, I had a hankering for a very specific French fry.  Or Moroccan fry, I guess, but I don’t know how seriously I take that assertion.  There’s a place downstairs from my work called Marrakesh, and while they are extremely overpriced, they are also right downstairs and the food is delicious.  For a while I was riding the falafel train hard, but I switched to schnitz (…el) and haven’t looked back.  If you know a vegan, I am probably the opposite of that. Fried vegetable thing?  Sounds delicious but could you make it meat?  They offer either a pita (pocket) or a laffa (wrap).  I used to get the laffa, but I think the pita has the same amount of filling but less bread.  I love bread, but I love filling even more AND the pita is cheaper.  I don’t usually order fries at places where they don’t come with the meal, but one time I was feeling extra hungry (probably because I never eat breakfast and then next thing I know it’s 6 pm?) and ordered some, and now I have had them three visits in a row. They’re thicker cut, but really crispy and covered in some combo of Lawry’s, MSG, and cocaine, if I’m not mistaken.  I took some photos of my lengthy 4-floor excursion, and right now I wish so hard that I had removed that one tomato fleck from my pita because it is making me bonkers.  I guess you could say it’s a real…pita.

And now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for!  The things I put on my body because of decency laws.  I have an Ebay alert set up so that every morning I get an email when ModCloth things are listed that are somewhere in the neighborhood of my size.  I got this dress for $26 last week, thanks to my trusty alert.  I tried it on and noticed that the lining was ripped, so the seller gave me $10 back so really it’s only a $16 dress!  And joke’s on her because who cares about the lining!  Wait this is in writing, so I do.  I care very much and that refund was extremely necessary.  (But for real, it wasn’t mentioned in the ad!  That is not fair!)

The belt is the same kind that I wore yesterday, but orange.  The shoes are Miz Mooz, and I don’t even know what a real shoe store is anymore because Amazon has everything.  Also I am sort of mad at Miz Mooz because they aren’t cheap and I have two pairs that squeak when I walk, and being a fat lady who squeaks is not really my favorite look.  I emailed their customer service about it and they weren’t helpful at all, but I guess I wasn’t expecting them to say, “Oh, here is $1,000,000 for your troubles!”, but still an “Oh maybe the cork needs to be greased up [I’m not a cork specialist, do not take this as cork advice]” or something would have been nice.  The earrings are again from It’s Fashion.  Yes, I am embarrassed that everything I wear comes from 3 stores, but I think I’ll try to sell it as being efficient.

Okay I did that thing where it’s all of a sudden much later than I want it to be, and this Toddlers and Tiaras won’t watch itself.  Here is your reminder to get out there and make up some fake email addresses so that you can vote for me.  And if I win and someone official reads this I am totally, definitely, 100%, for SURE, joking.


4 thoughts on “Ugh it’s too easy. MAY THE FOURTH, fine!

  1. Pingback: I can’t stop sniffing myself | clotheshog

  2. Pingback: Fried Day | clotheshog

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